Memories

My earliest memory is of my Uncle Denny and his friend Red Eagle (a real live Indian!) when they were home on leave from the Navy.  They were swinging me in the kitchen...one holding my arms and the other holding my legs. I remember laughing while I worried that they were getting terribly close to the oven and I was afraid I'd hit it. 

So that is where my story begins. Or at least what I remember. 

I apologize if anyone ever reads this and feels like I jump around too much. That is just how I roll.

I had an amazing childhood.  I was surrounded by people that adore me.  I didn't know my father (more about that another time).  Most of the time my mom & I lived with my grandparents. I happened to have the best grandparents EVER.  And I had lots of aunts & uncles & cousins that were over all the time.  We had picnics, BBQ's, fishing trips, etc.  And everyone was invited.  For a social butterfly such as myself, it was heaven. 

One of my best memories flood back anytime I smell vegetables fresh from a garden.  My grandparents had an enormous garden.  I realize now it may not have been as huge as I recall but to a small child it seemed to go on forever.  Especially when I "helped" dig it up in the spring.  We worked out there a lot.  Often just my Grampa and I.  And after all of our hard work and waiting we would sit down against the garage and sample our bounty.  Sitting beside the tomato plants he'd cut a freshly picked cucumber with his pocket knife and hand me a piece.  Or let me pull a piece of rhubarb and eat it (without rinsing it off even...but don't tell my Gramma).  I don't remember even talking much during these snacks. But there was no reason to.  Eventually we'd hear my Gramma call out "Frank!" and we'd head inside.

To this day the smell of a tomato plant makes me feel like a child...a very safe & adored child.  That's my favorite.

Mother

Next introduction.  I'd like to introduce my mother- Sandra Kay Smith- Connell.  Sandy.  How much I loved her goes without saying.  She was mommy.  And yes...I said was.  My mother died 28 years ago tomorrow. She died on my grandpa's birthday after a long battle with cancer.  I had just finished 8th grad.  My brother was almost 4 years old.

Of course I have many wonderful memories of my mother.  But I wish I could have known her when I was an adult.  For almost 10 years now I have been older than my mother ever was.  She was never 40.  She was never a grandmother.  I wish I was able to look to her at times for direction. 

I am even more sad for my brother who doesn't even really remember her.  And I am sad for her.  I can only imagine the pain of knowing you would be leaving your children forever.  We've both struggled from time to time but I am pretty sure she'd be happy with what we've done with our lives.  And I'm sure we'll see her again and have the privilege to talk to her.

Some things I remember- she loved red roses. She used a lotion called Rose Milk. She was the middle child. She was a loyal and loving friend.  She was a hard worker.  She took responsibility for her actions.  She loved liver and onions.  She introduced me to Der Wienerschnitzel (which I LOVE to this day).  She faced her trials with grace.

Sandra Kay Smith

October 10, 1948- June 16, 1982

Why?

Oh why do I wait until late at night to write here?

I need a new purse. I really do. New purses are like a drug to me. When I start feeling like I just HAVE to buy a new purse I am typically very stressed and/or sad.  Got a lot on my mind these days folks.  Will share more about that soon enough.

I escaped for a bit by going to see "The A Team".  Didn't like the tv show when I was younger but the movie was well worth the money. Mostly because of today's "favorite".

 Enough said.

Sunday

As promised I am going to spend every other post introducing the characters in my story. I've decided to do that in chronological order.  So I spent a few days thinking I would start by introducing my mother and pondering what I would say about her.  But then I realized that my life began before that.  Assuming anyone else reads these posts, I suppose there might be someone that does not know and or agree with my religious beliefs.  But for the sake of simplicity lets just say I believe that I existed prior to my life here on earth.  I lived in a Spirit World with my Heavenly Father, my elder brother Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. 

So lets start there.

I do believe with no doubt in my mind that they are three separate and distinct beings.  With separate and distinct roles.  And therefore separate and distinct relationships.  But I am going to introduce them jointly. 

I know they love me.  I also know that they know me...specifically.  My life would not be what it is without knowing them and having them in my life.

I could go on and on.  Someday maybe I'll really blow your mind and tell you what I know & feel about my Heavenly Mother.



My favorite is Sundays.  Having and taking the time to focus on my relationship with Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost.

Too much....

....my brain is too full to focus tonight.

But my favorite thing today was easy to choose.  It's nights when I can go to bed without setting an alarm. Definitely in my top 10 favorites.


Sweet dreams my friends.

I'm already failing

The plan was to blog once a day. Hmmm.


If I follow my plan this was supposed to introduce a character. Honestly, I haven't decided who to start with. So I'll share my "favorite" thing then I'm going to bed.


Summer. It's my favorite season.

Good night.

"Your blog has been created"

Yikes.

Where to begin?

I was on a long road trip...alone...a few weeks ago. That translates into A LOT of time to think. Not too terrible since I find myself at yet another fork in the road we call life. A friend of mine- alright, alright, it was actually my therapist- gave me the advice to try to find some meaning in the things I've experienced. That statement made me think about all of the times that people have said "Wow...you should write a book!" I think I've read more self-help type books than the average person. And I would bet that I've read every single one ever written on how to save your marriage. I certainly have plenty to say. So sure, perhaps I SHOULD write a book. Then my beloved Sara said to me "Great idea mom, but where would you even start?"

Good point.

So I took off on my trip with the idea that I would use the alone time to formulate some thoughts and come up with a plan for this book. Luckily I have a handy dandy cell phone that updates me on the all important Facebook statuses. So while I am driving I get an update from a friend's blog. We'll call her May to protect the innocent.

Let me veer off a bit and gush about how much I love her blog. I have other friends that have blogs but May's is the only one I read religiously. (Apologies to everyone else) I consider myself much to busy to read blogs. Although I magically find time for Farmville and Cafe Town. But anyway... May's blog is amazing. And there is really no way on earth I could ever be that stinkin' fabulous, but I can write a blog. I think I can at least. I plan to. I planned to before, but that is another story entirely.

So welcome. But take with you some warnings. I am a blatantly, at times painfully, honest person. And I am incredibly open. When I thought about this blog I thought about whether anything would be off limits. I decided no. But I reserve the right to change my mind. Anyone that knows me knows that I like to talk. It's how I stay sane. And even that has been debated.

In conclusion let me share a bit about my plan of attack. I think it's important that you all know the cast of characters. So every other blog I will be introducing someone that plays a part in this thing. The other blogs will be pretty much just venting. Then maybe someday I will weed through them all and actually write that book. Baby steps folks.

I will end every blog with something that is a "favorite". Lately I've noticed that I use the phrase "that is my favorite thing!" much too often. So I'm going to hold myself accountable and see how many "favorites" I truly have.


MUSIC is a favorite. All kinds. All forums. Especially amazing lyrics. They truly put into words things I am thinking.

I almost forgot- special bonus to whomever can pinpoint why this blog is named what it is. I will dedicate my book to you. I'm serious.