ugh

I'm cranky. So hey... why not post a blog?

Seriously. Seriously?

My dilemma is, do I vent here? Who even reads this? My opening post said I wasn't going to hold back but now I am so unsure.

How can something... let's say being a mom... be simultaneously the most rewarding and the most painful experience?  Why is it that one or more of my children say I am amazing on the same day another writes me off forever?  Man, I am the first to admit I have made GINORMOUS parenting mistakes. But cut me some slack? Give me some credit for effort?  Maybe focus on the good stuff--- I'm pretty sure there was good stuff.  I remember good stuff.  And I know I love them all more than life itself.

More on that love thing.  So... I met someone almost 24 years ago and fell deeply in love. We were married for 18 years. EIGHTEEN YEARS. He drove me crazy. Sometimes with laughter. Sometimes with tears. But he did give me those four amazing beings mentioned in the above paragraph. Four people that would not be who they are today had anything in our lives been different.  There came a time that he moved on to something someone else. And that is a topic for another time. But my heart was broken. Smashed. Obliterated. However, I love love. I have a lot to give. And I am not a passive gal. So I processed the hurt and was ready to move on.  Fast forward through a bunch of crap and some stupid mistakes. I met someone else. Someone completely different than the first. But I was instantly intrigued. And despite some issues I was ready to jump in with both feet. Interestingly, I found myself married again, but now divorced again. But it is very different. I love him. And not many people will understand this but that love is why I divorced him. But that too is a story for another day. Fast forward a few months. I still love him. And things are changing. So I want us back. And he wants us back. But we need to do it "right". Tough thing is... I am soooooo not good with patience. I know where I want to be. So I want to just be there. Yesterday.

Third "ugh"- SCHOOL. I have a love/hate relationship. Right now I am taking "Statistics for the Behavioral Sciences"--- so it is pure hate.

And--- money. There is never enough. Seen the movie "In Time"? Wow. I can so relate. I feel like I am wasting my life away waiting for the next money to pay the bills that are piling up. And I am tired.

I think that will do for now.

My favorite thing?  As mentioned previously----- my precious ducklings.