If I follow my original plan I am due to "introduce" another player in the game of Shelly's life. I had to go back and read my posts to remember who I have already mentioned. Based on that it would make sense to now introduce my father. This should be easy---- I barely knew him.
I grew up without a father. I had my amazing Grampa. A close to perfect Uncle. And several other fantastic family members and friends that filled the shoes not filled by a father. But still. I always wondered. I found my birth certificate when I was quite young and saw that his name was Terry Lee Mead. That was all I would know about him for years. Once when I was little, I asked my Gramma about him. She said "He died in the war." So for much of my childhood I was convinced that Hogan from "Hogan's Heroes" was obviously my dad. Then as I got a bit older I would be excited anytime a new phone book was delivered---- this was obviously pre-internet times---- because I could look for his name. Apparently he was "unlisted".
When my mom was nearing her death I realized that I should just ask her about him. It may seem odd to some that I had never done that before. I adored my mom, but we didn't talk about things like that. So sitting on the couch one night I asked her to tell me about my dad. She replied "He left." I tried to press her and she said "That's it. He left."
Fast forward to me as an adult, talking with one of my aunts one evening. I mentioned that with this fancy, new fangled invention called the internet I might be able to get somewhere in the search for my father. I hadn't ever tried too hard but I had just had a baby and realized how good it would be to know the other 50% of my health history. My aunt got emotional and shared that she had known my dad. She and my mom were friends when my mom and dad met so she was there for the whole story. However, she had promised my mom she wouldn't tell anyone. And she didn't. Her information didn't really help me find him but it was still nice to hear something about him. I did find out a pivotal piece of the story. My mom had actually never even told my dad that she was pregnant. So any abandonment I may have felt was unwarranted. How can you abandon someone you are not even aware of?
I posted a message on a site that was primarily for assisting adopted children in finding their birth parents. Literally within an hour I got a message back saying "Try this" and included an address and phone number. I read it and got up and walked away. I had no idea what I wanted to do with the information. I can't even describe what I felt. But my husband decided he would try calling the number. I couldn't even sit in the same room when he called. When he told him "I think my wife might be your daughter" I believe the response was something like "well, that is entirely possible considering the way I lived my life". After exchanging names, dates, and finally some photos it was confirmed. My dad had been found.
We were then living on Camp Pendleton but were planning to soon move back to Denver because my husband was getting out of the Marine Corps. So for the next several weeks we exchanged letters and phone calls. My dad sent me flowers on the first birthday of my daughter. When we finally got back to Denver we set up a meeting. We met for dinner with my dad and some of his friends. It was completely surreal. You meet someone that is really a total stranger and yet at the same time they are one of your closest relatives. I was in a daze for most of the dinner.
My dad was living alone after a bitter divorce several years prior. And he had lost his mother to heart disease due to a drinking problem. So he was lonely and more then ready for a father/daughter relationship. I was not so ready. I needed some time to let it all sink in. We kept in touch. That was in May of 1993. One morning in January I got a call from my dad's sister informing me that he had died of a drug overdose.
I was sad. I was mad. But I was definitely glad I had found him. I went to his funeral and met "family" but have not really kept in touch. However, through all of this I did find out that he had another daughter--- a HALF SISTER! More on that will come in future postings. :-)
So, that is the story of my dad.
Now it is time for homework (Stats---which is why I am putting it off) but I need to end with a favorite thing. I'm going to keep it simple...
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